I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Do vagina's smell?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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