i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
