p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
