Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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