He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
