glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
