Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
