why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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