Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
