We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
