spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was like getting head from an anaconda
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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