So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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