I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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