i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
