Fine. I'll sleep in my office
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
