its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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