Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
