I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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