Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
