Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
