He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
