Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
