So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We named our party play list daddy issues
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
