I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
