i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
