i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
