I can text with my tongue
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
