Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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