My liver just broke up with me...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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