just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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