It was confusing and full of hummus
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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