Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
