She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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