K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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