You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Someone signed my nipple.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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