Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
