Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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