Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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