i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
