How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
