I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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