he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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