Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
