dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
