so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
