You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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