sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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