Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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