You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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