ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Blood and glitter go together right?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
