Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
