i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
