toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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