Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
