the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
